just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Is Oprah even human
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
