I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
