Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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