he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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