I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
