I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
