First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
