I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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