i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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