so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
