So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
