its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
