All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Hippo gnu deer
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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