someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
