took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
