A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
