I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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