dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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