Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
