I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
