i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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