is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
this is an emotional support booty call
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
