They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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