Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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