He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
