He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
