its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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