Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
