I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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