their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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