dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
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I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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