Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
