Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
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i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
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It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize