I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
