that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
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In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
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He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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