honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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