her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
