Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Let's get the cat blown out
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
