We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
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