Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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