Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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