Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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