it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
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