Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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