you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
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No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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