So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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