Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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