Acid is not a monday night drug
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Floor bacon is actually really good
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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