we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
