he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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