Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
