an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
