Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
