Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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