I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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