so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
