I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
