drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
