i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
