Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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