I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
