the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
