Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Randomize
