god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Randomize
