I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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