Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
