I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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