Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
