we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
