my mouth tastes like poor choices
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
