he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
