textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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