I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
