She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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