my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
