I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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