Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
