it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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