All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
