Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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