Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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